My life is becoming more and more complicated~~~

Aslmualaikum and hi to everybody.

It's been a while since the last time I wrote here. It's clear that I'm not the one who can hold a promise. But I become the one who breaks promises easily. I'm feeling so demotivated lately yet I can't focus to any of my works. Luckily the exam mode for my students is over, marking mode is over and uploading marks is over. So here I am, writing and writing...

Update from me...
I'm currently in Semester 2 for my Masters and struggling to finish as soon as I can so I can continue to Phd. This time I don't want to procrastinate and waste my precious time for something irrelevant. Of course, at my age, people will ask their favourite and fabulous question (for them, but for me it's ridiculous!),"WHEN WILL YOU GETTING MARRIED?".Trust me, If I have a choice, I will be getting married as soon as I want.maybe tomorrow.or maybe today. But what happen in my love life? This is not a fairy tale. My love life is not the same with others. One by one gone. Whether they let go of me, or I let go of them. I'm really tired, exhausted and feel like I want to conjure myself and sleep for hundred years to forget everything that ever happened. Yes, people will say, be patient, this is a test from ALLAH...i know that...I do. But sometimes, as a human being, I can't prevent myself from being demotivated. so pathetic I am right?
I'm trying to muster my strength and hope I can forget everything that contribute to my sad life stories. I'm trying to learn that everything happens for a reason. But what's the reason actually? ALLAH...Please forgive me for the sins I've done. I know, maybe this is the consequences for a continuously doing sins but I want to try to be a better Muslimah in the future, In Shaa ALLAH.

I've been offered the scholarship, which I had mentioned before I continue my Masters. Although it's already late, but for the sake of my future and family, I will accept the offer and resign my current post. and I will be back after I finish my Masters and planning to continue my Phd after that.

Again, for my love life, I nearly give up and just hope that I can open my heart again to accept someone that can treat me like a woman.not a girl.

Ya ALLAH....PLEASE HELP ME TO RECOVER FROM THIS HURT...

Yours sincerely,

Roxanne ^_^

Exam Mode is On

Aslmualaikum and hello to everybody. Today I'll officially announce that the Exam Mode is already activated and anything which are not related to exam will be ignored.lol

Actually, my exam will be start on 9th January and 11th January. but i haven't studied much yet. huhu

So, it's time for me to revise all the chapters and keep praying for the best. Help me ALLAH...:(

Until then, c ya.

Yours Sincerely,

Roxanne!

Handling stress

Aslmualaikum.

Well, I'm not a motivator like Dato' Dr. Fadzilah Kamsah.haha. Just want to share here, that sometimes I can't handle my stressfulness. I think that's because of me myself. Why? I'm the one who created the stress. Why? (Why again.haha), My biggest weakness in myself is I always procrastinate. I hate procrastinate! But, in the end, I'm the one who did it.

Why I'm saying all of these? Well, that's because now I'm stuck in the middle of career and study.

I have a few tasks that need to be done by the end of this year, and the beginning of the new semester.

For study matters, I have TWO presentations which I haven't done anything about it yet. No preparations at all. The presentation will be held next week on Monday and Tuesday. I just got back from Shah Alam to attend a workshop and I don't have time to think about the assignments. But, it is my fault actually because the lecturers already gave me all the assignments at the early semester (September). See? I don't want to to this but, yet I'm the one who procrastinate a lot. Watching anime, mingle around, doing other things, attending weddings, and so on. Sometimes I'm also stuck between my family and my career+ study.

For me, it is a sign from ALLAH that I should remember HIM more because ALLAH will not give the challenge if HE does not love me as HIS servant. I should do more Tahajjud, Recite Al-Quran, and do the worshiping things more than before. Forgive me ALLAH for always doing LAGHA things. I really want to repent.....T_T(Suddenly sad and want to cry).... ALLAH, please guide me through  your path....

I think that's all for now..Thanks for reading....

Roxanne ^_^

It is the end of 2012

Aslmualaikum...

Again, I left my blog again due to some obstacles which I couldn't resist. There's so much I want to say here, but I'm not a person who can write spontaneously. I have to arrange my ideas properly so that the readers can understand what I'm trying to say. If not, I feel I'm just talking crap here.haha...Kidding.

Career

I've been almost three years here teaching and sometimes I feel I don't belong here. I couldn't catch up and sometimes demotivated. I don't know what happen to me, but I'm trying to fix it. I can't be like this. I have to be strong, thinking about my family,as I'm the breadwinner of the family. 
I have to accept whatever tasks given to me and do the best for those tasks. Next week, I'll be fly to KL, for a Workshop. 2 days. 2 days mean I have to postpone the lecture class and replace it. What a busy semester for me. The Diploma has just started and I don't feel like I'm ready again for struggling to finish the lecture, to finish the chapters. But, I'm praying to ALLAH, to give me strength. ALLAH....Please help me...

Study

I'm currently studying while working. Part time. I tell you, once you decide to study while working, the challenges are very different than when you are a full time student. Sometimes I'm just like living in a two world. Teaching. Studying. When the sun rises, I'm a teacher. When the sun sets down, I'm a student. I know, most of the people manage to finish their studies even they can face the hardest situation within the career and study. Well, actually the reason why I decide to study as a part time is because, our top management cannot let me go to Aussie. We a re in a short of lecturers teaching economics here. My teaching hours also above the maximum level. Luckily I can claim the overtime. With assignments, tasks, I'm saying to myself, that I can do this. Most of my friends manage to finish this.


I'm just stuck within two paths here. Not because I'm weak, maybe I'll just need to boost myself and pray harder to ALLAH to give me more strength to face all the obstacles and challenges.


Will write again. Gosh I need to brush up my writings again.I need to finish my Mini Research or Mini Thesis Assignment, and prepare for my Proposal.

Yours Sincerely,

Roxanne ^_^

Messy life

Aslmualaikum.

I know I've always ignoring this blog where I made a promise I will write everyday here. But, This is me. LAZINESS is still killing me softly. Besides, my time constraint and bla bla bla. All sorts of excuses. :P

Last Friday, I'm officially registered as a postgrad student. well, studying at local uni was my last choice but I believe, ALLAH has prepared a proper plan for me. (Ignore my grammatical error). I'm doing my Master part time, so that means I'm working while studying, eh...I'm studying while working. whatever it is, you got what I mean right?

Hmm..still improving myself. But the most awkward moment when you are trying to improve, things suddenly getting worse and you ask why and why. I still can't find the answer but at the same time, I'm trying hard to improve myself. I know, without detecting the root of the problem, how can I solve + improve myself right? Rambling again. sorry.

After this, I will start my life as a part time student and I hope ALLAH will guides me through HIS way and give me strength to finish my study on time, on the track. I don't want to be a loser again (bad experience during my SPM). I just want to be better day by day. As an educator, I have to show my students that we have to struggle in everything we do, not just hoping something fall from the sky, or just waiting for the Mr. Successful comes to fetch us. We have to chase the Successful and hold it tightly.

Until I write again. Thank you. Oh ya, btw, I'm trying to finish a new novel which I bought last week. still buying novel even I'm already broke because of the raya over-spending.sigh.

Yours Sincerely,

Roxanne^_^

Laziness is killing me

Aslmualaikum :)

I hope all of you are in a good condition.

This time I really don't have much to say, even I know, deep in my heart I want to share anything here in this blog. I'm just so lazy and I don't know why. Maybe because of too much things gyrated in my mind, my neurons become confused on what should I do, which one I should do first. I'm trying to solve my personal problem, but yet it's getting harder day by day.

Will write again next time. Thank you.

Aidilfitri Mode ~~~

Aslmualaikum to all of the readers out there...

Today is the 5th day of Syawal. I've been away from this blog since my last post before the raya right.hehe. Well, maybe I need some time to think, mingle, searching around the ideas to write. As far as I know, I'm not an idealistic person.hoho...Seems I'm not using the right word to describe. never mind. I'm still learning.hehe

My raya this year? I don't feel the raya mode actually, well maybe because of some family conflict which distracted my mind from celebrating this raya. But, I do feel a little bit of raya by visiting relatives' house on the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd raya. And yesterday was our turn to invite all the relatives for our Open House. :) Feeling exhausted until yesterday night although the people keep coming in until 10pm. My head already feel the hint of Migraine, but I just swallowed the Actifast which given by my mom and fall asleep not long after that.

Another story, tomorrow, my IELTS result will be out and I don't have the feeling of nervous at all. Not because I'm confident but I just...I don't know, It feels like I'd spent my money for something that not worth it. I'm saying this because, I already decided to withdraw the scholarship and prepared for the registration of the local university here, in part time mode. Understandably when I said part time mode, I will be studying while working. I hope I can do my best, struggle to the best and I hope, success will always on my side. I know, it will be difficult to divide and manage the time between studying and working but, most of my friends can do that, so why not I?

So, now, I'm concentrating on preparing for the registration despite my head is spinning when I see the fee structure.haha...Of course it is expensive for a people like me but I hope I can pay my enrollment fee on time before the final exam.

Wish me luck :)

Yours Sincerely,

Roxanne ^_^

Harness the power of words

Aslmualaikum to all of you...

I only write here when I have anything to say. But I think that is not enough for me to enhance my way of writing especially in English. Actually I got my entry title above from a book which I bought last year,"AWESOME VOCABULARY by Becky Burckmyer".I tried to pronounce her name correctly without folding my tongue.(just kidding). I'm telling you the same story every time I write here right? Well, it's not that i don't have any idea to write, it's just hard for me to practice and I need a peaceful environment to call for the ideas and points to elaborate. I've been practicing my English through this blog, bought some useful books, novels and speaking English to myself because I can't speak a proper English with my friends. well, actually I can, but the problem is my confidence in English. I always read in English, listening to an English radio station everyday,and the result, I can understand every single word they are talking but, my new problem is I can't apply what I've learnt before. I don't know how to explain but this problem is really disturbing me to perform well in English.

I watched Oh My English this early morning and I found it is really useful for me to watch it every week to detect the common errors when speak in English, such as "PASS UP YOUR HOMEWORK", I just knew that it was wrong to tell your students like that.haha.pity me. Actually, the right word to replace the "PASS UP" is "HAND IN". hoho.Thanks Astro for this spectacular programme for us.

I'm thinking of preparing a title for every post in my blog so that I can practice and can write about anything here, not just saying the same thing which can make the readers bored to death.haha

Ok, I think that's all for today, gonna watch our Badminton star, Dato' Lee Chong Wei to perform with his famous enemy and friend at the same time, Lin Dan, the 1st ranking world badminton player from China.

Yours sincerely,

Roxanne^_^

Oh My IELTS...

Aslmualaikum to everyone...

Happy Fasting...woah...today is the 15th day of Ramadhan, which means we are already fasting about 15 days! How about your Ramadhan my fellow friends? Are you improving? Did you reflect yourself during this holy month? Well, this month only comes to us once in a year, so like previous post, I would be glad to emphasize here, we should grab the rewards from ALLAH as much as we can! For those who are still crawling to improve, keep it up! And please be sincere in whatever you do, leave it to ALLAH, have faith in ALLAH.

Fuhh..done for this week! COMMON TEST, ISTIADAT PENGANUGERAHAN, marking, etc... Let's struggle for the next week! be optimist and positive. (I was infected by the Oh My English virus. I love to see their enthusiasm to learn English, and their optimist teacher Mr Henry Middleton).

I will be sitting for my IELTS exam on 11th August 2012 (Saturday). I don't know what to say, I don't have much time to prepare, I'll just pray, hoping for ALLAH to ease my exam. I really hope that I can get a good result for IELTS. I'm not aiming a high band for this, because I know my weaknesses and I know I'm not so good in English. I tried so hard to correct my grammar and add up my vocabularies. My problem is I have a short term memory, so when I try to remember the complicated words, I just can remember the meaning of the words that time, after that it will gone like wind. I don't know why. Another problem is I can't apply the words for my everyday speaking such as in class, or even writing in my blog. Maybe I should build up a schedule to learn in English (Grammar, Writing, Listening, Speaking).

Good night peeps. Gotta chat with someone first.:)

Yours Sincerely,

Roxanne^_^

August 2012

Aslmualaikum and hello to everybody...

Sorry for not updating this blog. I've been a little bit busy these days. As busy as the bees. Besides, I don't have time to write something here, I just can read other people's blog and then get back to work. Well, this week will be the most busiest week because my students will be having their test today and tomorrow.
So for today, their COMMON TEST  for MICROECONOMICS will be held at the Al-Bukhari Hall at 2.15pm. I hope they can answer well in the test.
Tomorrow, there will be another COMMON TEST for MACROECONOMICS at the same venue, which will be start at 9am.
Last Monday and Tuesday, I'm attending the Istiadat Kecemerlangan for Diploma students. I'm one of the AJK for the ceremony so of course I have to postpone the classes but I have to replace the class later. Most of my students are listed as the award receiver. I'm so proud of them. But one thing that made me surprise was their manners when receiving the award from our beloved Director or the official name is Rector. Some of them just like want to snatch the certificate and walk like nothing happen. Some of them smiling like the fish (lol), some of them (maybe nervous) did not say anything even a "Thank You". Luckily our beloved rector is a calm person and understanding. Some of their actions tickles my heart and make me laugh.haha (naughty me).
Nevertheless, I hope they can improve their manners and attitude in the future.

Besides all my works thingy, I feel so nervous, nerves-wrecking, shaking combine altogether because next week I will be sitting for my IELTS. I know that my English is not that good, but I will try my best and do some preparations to sit for the exam. I'd spent more than RM500+ for this exam.I hope it worth. May ALLAH guides me.Aamiin.:)

Yours Truly,

Roxanne^_^