My life is becoming more and more complicated~~~

Aslmualaikum and hi to everybody.

It's been a while since the last time I wrote here. It's clear that I'm not the one who can hold a promise. But I become the one who breaks promises easily. I'm feeling so demotivated lately yet I can't focus to any of my works. Luckily the exam mode for my students is over, marking mode is over and uploading marks is over. So here I am, writing and writing...

Update from me...
I'm currently in Semester 2 for my Masters and struggling to finish as soon as I can so I can continue to Phd. This time I don't want to procrastinate and waste my precious time for something irrelevant. Of course, at my age, people will ask their favourite and fabulous question (for them, but for me it's ridiculous!),"WHEN WILL YOU GETTING MARRIED?".Trust me, If I have a choice, I will be getting married as soon as I want.maybe tomorrow.or maybe today. But what happen in my love life? This is not a fairy tale. My love life is not the same with others. One by one gone. Whether they let go of me, or I let go of them. I'm really tired, exhausted and feel like I want to conjure myself and sleep for hundred years to forget everything that ever happened. Yes, people will say, be patient, this is a test from ALLAH...i know that...I do. But sometimes, as a human being, I can't prevent myself from being demotivated. so pathetic I am right?
I'm trying to muster my strength and hope I can forget everything that contribute to my sad life stories. I'm trying to learn that everything happens for a reason. But what's the reason actually? ALLAH...Please forgive me for the sins I've done. I know, maybe this is the consequences for a continuously doing sins but I want to try to be a better Muslimah in the future, In Shaa ALLAH.

I've been offered the scholarship, which I had mentioned before I continue my Masters. Although it's already late, but for the sake of my future and family, I will accept the offer and resign my current post. and I will be back after I finish my Masters and planning to continue my Phd after that.

Again, for my love life, I nearly give up and just hope that I can open my heart again to accept someone that can treat me like a woman.not a girl.

Ya ALLAH....PLEASE HELP ME TO RECOVER FROM THIS HURT...

Yours sincerely,

Roxanne ^_^